Lies about past before Marrage - Talk About Marriage

Hello Forum,

I have an issue I'd like to share and would appreciate your thoughts on the matter.

I met my current wife 3 years ago. We've been married for just over 1 year and we are both divorced and I have a 5 year girl from a previous marriage. We are both from a Christian India background that have fairly traditional views, but we are both fairly liberal in our views.

We have our ups and downs but life is good.

When we first met, she asked me about me about all my past relationships and relationships after my divorce. I answered all her questions truthfully, thinking at the time if she doesn't like it, then we don't need to progress further. Honestly, I wasn't interested in her past relationships, I knew she was married for a couple of years and she must have had previous boyfriends etc, but I was interested in the present. Anyway, she still went on to tell me her husband was her first love, she had one previous boyfriend but this was in the college days and not a sexual relationship.

Anyway, we developed a relationship and a few times we had some major arguments she gave me a guilt trip that I was her second love after a failed marriage and she would never love again, making me feel guilty and being the one to patch the relationship up again. At the time I thought, this girl is head over heels for me, I liked her a lot (wasn't in love) and I don't want to be the one to ruin her life.

Anyway, recently in conversation, again she started about on of my previous flings, she then told me about 2 other serious boyfriends she had intimate relationships with, her ex-husband wasn't her first.

I asked why she lied, she told me because I would judge her and sex outside marriage wasn't something that's the norm in our culture.

Back to the present, we are in love, our relationship is good and healthy, but I can't get this lie out of my head. Also the guilt trips she put me on in the past when we were dating, I think are totally out of order.

I know that's in the past, but now I don't know if she is lying to me or not. Before this I had full trust in her. She has a lot of male friends from school / uni days, work friends, I wasn't ever suspicious of anything, but now the devil on my should isn't letting my mind be at peace.

I've talked to her about it and how I feel. She says she glad she's didn't tell me, otherwise we wouldn't be together now.

What I want is to get this out of my head, but talking to her isn't helping me or her. I end up making her feel guilty about her past relationships which is not what I want to do. She's not cheated on me, but if she didn't give me the guilt trips about being her second love then there is a 50 / 50 chance I may have split up with her when we where dating.

I don't know what to do, I want to have a clear head, but I'm an emotional rollercoaster at the moment.

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

John

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Last edited by JohnLondon; Today at 02:46 AM.

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/52196-lies-about-past-before-marrage.html

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